Uncomfortable is Good.

It’s awfully quiet in our apartment right now. Last night, Grace and I said goodbye to 4 other volunteers who we’re here living with us. It was sad to say goodbye, especially after becoming so close in such a short amount of time. I will miss each one of them and all of the joy and laughter they brought to our apartment. I look forward to filling this apartment back up and meeting all the volunteers that will come through in the next month and a half. Until then, Gracie and I will hold down the fort and keep each other good company in our now very spacious apartment.

Today, Grace and I went to a wedding! Naomi, a woman who works for SCH and the Fadely family, invited us and the world race team to join her at her cousins wedding in her village. It was the total Indian experience if I’ve ever had one. When we arrived in the village, loud Indian music played and we were greeted with tons of smiling children wanting to hold our hands and take pictures with us. Not long after we arrived, the women in the village took us to their homes to dress us up in their saris. One of my favorite things about India is the gorgeous clothing that the women wear. I’ve never worn a sari so it was pretty fun to let them dress me up in their beautiful saris. Then, we went to the church to see the bride. She was decked out in gold jewelry, henna, and a beautiful sari. All of us just kept telling her how beautiful she was and she very shyly smiled back at us. Then, we ate lunch with everyone (yummy chicken curry!) and afterwards, it was time to go. Sadly, we were not able to stay for the whole day or get to see the actual wedding ceremony because the world race team had to get back to Ongole. But, it was so much fun and quite an experience to remember!

Lately, I’ve been spending most of my time between victory home and the girl’s apartment where Cedar is working hard at ability camp with Nikki and Sarah. A few nights ago, Hannah, Amanda, and I spent the night at Victory Home. We thought it would be interesting to see what goes on at night time, in the middle of the night, and in the early morning. Let me tell you, it was so weird to walk in and have it be so quiet. By the time we got there at about 9:30pm, most of the children were fast asleep, sprawled out all over the beds. The only room that wasn’t quite asleep was Cedars. I discovered that Cedar is quite the little night owl. So many times I would peek in his room throughout the early night to check and see if he had fallen asleep yet only to find him dancing in his bed. Eventually, I went in to try and get him to fall asleep. I rocked him and sang softly to him but it only made him giggle that much harder. The boy is one of a kind, so silly and definitely marches to the beat of his own drum. By 1am, I checked on him and he had finally fallen asleep. I was happy to see that his ayah had him all snuggled up in her arms. It’s comforting to see things like that and gives me a sense of peace, especially for when I go home to the US and can’t be there to snuggle him. I’m glad that he, despite his squirminess, is being soothed to sleep and nurtured by a motherly figure. His getting to sleep at 1am however, might explain his sometimes very lethargic and tired attitude during the day. When we all decided to go to bed ourselves, we all slept in the office. I don’t think I slept a single minute as my sweaty body lay stuck to the leather couch and exposed as fresh meat for the mosquitoes. I’m pretty sure all I did was lay there and sweat and itch myself all night. By the time it was morning, which comes at 5am for the kiddos here, I was a walking zombie. We watched their morning routine of bathing, brushing teeth, eating breakfast, and getting ready for school. Not long after, we head home and I got caught up on some sleep so I could function properly during the day. Overall, I was really glad we spent the night so I could see the home in full circle at every hour of the day. It definitely gave me a lot more respect for the ayah’s and nurses who stay here full time and take care of demanding needs of the children.

Being back here for another summer, I am reminded of the challenges that come with living here. I love this place, its people, and this ministry so much. But there is something about living here, even if only for a short 2 months, that challenges me more than any other place. One reason why I love India is because it completely strips me to my core. My true heart, broken and capable of so little without God, is revealed in my circumstances here. If anything, living in India and working with SCH just shows me how broken of a person I am. My circumstances here take away the mask over my heart that is really just covering up my brokenness, my sinfulness, my selfishness. I realize here so much more how much work I have to do in my heart. I find myself longing for home after a long day, for a hot shower and a warm bed and for my family and friends. But even without those comfortable things, I somehow manage to come out on the other side so much more satisfied and so much more victorious than a day at home in the US. I have this intimacy with God that I have no where else here in my fragile and vulnerable self. Why is that I have to be stripped of my comfortable life in order to obtain this incredible intimacy with God? Why is it that my greatest moments with God are in my most broken, vulnerable, exposed, and messy state? I never thought my comfortable life at home could keep me from so much more in my relationship with God. I never thought my comfort could mask the true things in my heart. It isn’t until I come here and see so much pain and devastation day in and day out and am forced to adjust to a lifestyle that is so much simpler than the one I have at home, that I cling to my God like he’s the only thing I’ve got. I say that with disappointment knowing that even at home, my things and the people I love cant heal the wounds in my heart or sustain me for long or provide me a life that is so much bigger than myself. Only my God, who is the same God in India and in Seattle, can do that. He goes with me, into my life of comfort and into my life of discomfort. He desires for those two lives to come together only to leave me continually and desperately thirsting for simply Him.

                                            Motorcycle rides with Sudhakar are always fun

                                                       Happy little boys at the wedding

                                         The wonderful woman who dressed me in her sari

                                                                   The beautiful bride