As I write this, I sit on my last
plane ride home to Seattle. I sit here full of anticipation and eagerness,
ready to breathe in the fresh northwest air and see the people who I’ve missed
so much. At the same time, I’m completely overwhelmed with thoughts and
feelings on the last 2 and half months of my life. It almost feels like a time
warp… one day I was leaving my life in Seattle and somehow 11 weeks later, I’m
returning back to that life. The in between time was just pure bliss, as if I
took a little break from my reality and lived in someone else’s for a while.
This concept could keep me running in circles for hours and it often feels like
my mind can never fully grasp and process what really happened. But it did
happen and I never want to forget that it did.
On our last day, Grace and I headed
over to Victory Home early to spend the morning and early afternoon. When I
arrived, I walked straight to Cedar’s room and pretty much held him from the
moment I got there until the moment I left. He was in a wonderfully giggly mood
(as always) and we spent the morning just laughing together. It wasn’t long
after I was with him that morning that I was already beginning to cry. As I
watched him laugh and do all the little things that make him so adorably unique
I thought, “These are the moments that I will miss the most. These are the
memories I will cherish so close to my heart when I cant see him anymore.” It
was a great and relaxing morning at the home. I truly felt at peace knowing
that I could simply just be with the
children. There was nothing I needed to do but love on them for one last time.
When it came to say goodbye, I went to each room and gave all the kids a hug
and kiss. I saved Cedar’s room for last knowing it would be the hardest. The
minute I walked into his room, I lost it. I said goodbye to all the ayah’s and
they wiped my tears as I went around the room kissing all the boys goodbye. And
then I wrapped my sweet boy up in my arms and cried tears of both sadness and
joy. Tears of sadness over the fact that I can’t bring him home with me, knowing
fully that being away from him will hurt….a lot. And there were tears of joy over
the fact that I simply know him. Tears that He was brought into my life to
change and shape my character and relationship with God in a way that nothing else could. There were tears of joy over the fact that I am one of the most
privileged and fortunate people in this world to be able to show him love after
his world rejected him. What joy there is in knowing that God loved me enough
to introduce me to him and ultimately introduce me to a love I’d never known or
thought I could know. And what heartbreak there is in this vulnerable love that
has proven itself painful when time and space separates us. I walked out of
Victory home that day with more of my heart left behind and more of it broken… and
I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.
The rest of the day was spent at
the baby apartment and the girl’s apartment saying our last farewells. It was a
very full day and by the end of it, I was so emotionally exhausted. By 11pm,
Grace and I were boarding our overnight bus to begin our 56-hour journey home.
When we arrived in Hyderabad in the morning, we took a power nap and then went
to the market to do some shopping. Later that day, The Fadely family came to
pick us up for dinner. They were already in Hyderabad for their monthly get
away and so it was nice to be able to spend time with them there. We went to
Chili’s and Grace and I got buffalo meat burgers! Then afterwards, we went to
McDonalds and got ice cream cones. It was a very American night spent with
people who have become wonderful friends to us. By 5am the next morning, Grace
and I were off to the airport.
Dinner with the Fadely family in Hyderabad
We flew from Hyderabad to Mumbai
for our 18-hour layover. Luckily, my mom has connections with a pastor there so
when we arrived, he was waiting with a sign for us right outside the airport. Grace
and I didn’t really know anything about this pastor or his ministry or Mumbai
or anything! It was completely random but to my surprise, I think it was easily
one of my favorite days in India ever. I loved the city of Mumbai and getting
the chance to see a different part of India. I loved being able to see how God
is working in Mumbai through this pastor, his family, church, and ministry. He
and his family were so hospitable and truly filled with joy that they could
invite us to be apart of their day. We spent the morning at his home where we
got to visit a lot with his daughter, Karuna, who is also 21! She was so nice
and I loved getting to talk with her. It was so cool to see how we have so many
things in common, even though we live in two completely different worlds. Then
we went to go see his church and the school that they run for children in the
slums who are unable to afford good schooling. Afterwards, we had the chance to
go to an outreach event in the city. The outreach was at an annual festival
that the city of Mumbai holds for a statue of mother Mary holding baby Jesus. Basically
there is a statue of Mary holding baby Jesus that they believe to be very
special. Many people claim that this statue heals them and gives them the
things they need when they pray to it. Therefore, half the city (which is 6
million people!) comes and offers candles and flowers to it for healing,
getting a new job or house, and other things. Basically, they’ve turned this
statue into another God to pray to with potential of having it improve their
circumstances. So we offered prayer and passed out traks to the people as they
walked up to the church with their candles and flowers. I did a lot of
observing and took a walk up to the church myself to see it. It was fascinating
to see how so many people- Christian, Catholic, Hindu, Muslim, or any other
religion will come to pray to this statue. After seeing the church, I had a
good time hanging out with the street kids who were trying to sell candles and
flowers to the crowds. One little guy started passing traks out with everyone
instead! Afterwards, Pastor Shirish took us down to the beach and we watched
the sunset. Then we were off to dinner at a really yummy restaurant, where
Grace and I had our last authentic Indian meal. Grace decided to order goat
brain to really end things with a bang in India (adventurous one she is!) I
tried a bit and it tasted very brainy-squishy and slimy (yuck) After dinner, we
went back to the church to pick up our luggage and Pastor Shirish sent us off
in a van with another pastor to the airport. It was such a good day! I was so
thankful that Grace and I were able to experience so much and really get a
taste of Mumbai instead of waiting in the airport for 18 hours.
As we drove through the city of
Mumbai, I was absolutely fascinated and captivated once again by India and it’s
culture. As I looked over at the massive amounts of land occupied by slums, my
passion for India’s people only grew stronger. This country and these people
have won me over. I can’t explain why I fell in love with India in the first
place. From an earthly perspective, it’s completely random. From a spiritual
perspective, it was God’s divine and careful plan. Looking out the window at
the slums and being filled with such a longing to jump out of the car and walk
in, I was encouraged… as strange as that sounds. I was encouraged to know that
my passions that come out of nowhere have a place where they belong…and it’s
here in India. I was encouraged that this passion is completely not of myself
and entirely of God and His work in my life. And as long as I continue to walk
closely with him, he will lead me to the places that are so specifically
designed for the passions he’s birthed in me so that I can be used for His
glory. I discover more and more that as I walk closely in relationship with
God, His desires, His vision and His heartbreak become mine too. What a good
God we serve…that He so carefully plans our lives out in accordance with His perfect
will for us and for the world.
As I walk away from an incredible
journey in India, I enter into a new journey in my home here in Seattle. It’s a
journey of processing, continuing to learn from my experiences and discovering
how those experiences still and always will play a part in my life, no matter
where I am in the world. I now enter into a new journey and a new season with
feelings that I am well aware of coming. These feelings of grief over the
absence of 105 physically present children in my daily life. Feelings of shock
over a culture that looks so different than the one I’ve been living in for the
past 2 and half months. Feelings of fear- fear of forgetting what I’ve seen
here and the people I’ve met… fear of living my life as if this never happened.
But I will continue to be in awe of
my God’s faithfulness in my life and I will trust that He wants to surprise me
even more with His goodness. I will say it again and with even more assurance than
the last time....
Great is thy faithfulness.
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