A Letter From Mom

Dear darling daughters,

            They say love can either come slowly or it can come fast. When it does comes fast, the chances of falling hard are high. Seeing you for the first time today, I fell fast and hard. It didn’t take long for you to wrap me around your fingers and let your sweet faces make my heart so giddy I felt like it could burst. Like a mother waits in anticipation for her unborn baby or the adoption of her child, so I have waited in anticipation for you. I have dreamed about you, had my thoughts consumed with you and eagerly prepared my heart for you up until this day. Technically, I should have walked into a room full of strangers today. But I walked into a room full of my daughters. You are my girls. And I love you all with a deep, deep love. I think I knew that long before meeting you. 

There are a few things I want you to hear from your foster mama.

I want you to know that my love for you is not a reflection of the goodness and charity in my human heart. You are not a charity case. You are not a good volunteer opportunity. You are not “a year abroad to serve the less fortunate”. You are so much more than that. And you are loved by something much bigger than the mere passion in my heart. You are loved by me because I am loved by God. I desire to give you no other love than that of what God has already graciously lavished onto me. Because that kind of love pierces through darkness, tears down the strongest of walls and heals the most painful, deep, broken parts of your heart- something that my sheer humanness cannot even come close to giving you.

I want you to know that I am not naïve to your pain. When I look into each of your eyes, I see so much more than a sweet, silly, beautiful little girl. I see a forced maturity, a robbed childhood, the injustice and cruelty of this world. I want you to know that I will fight to see that you get innocence, justice, and carefree pieces of childhood handed back to you. I can’t promise you a lot of things, but I can promise you that when you come to live with me, we will start a journey together towards your healing and restoration. I promise to lighten your load, to carry your burdens with you and to invite your pain to be mine, too.

I am not perfect. I will not be a perfect foster mother to you. I will fail you and it will be more than once. But in my both my failure and my victory as your foster mom, I hope to point you towards the only true perfection, the only flawless parent, your healing place and strong tower where you will never be shaken. His name is Jesus. And He will never, ever fail you. 

I pray that our home is a sanctuary of safety, security and peace for you.  I pray that when you experience the love of a mother, you experience the love of your Father in heaven. I pray that when I make mistakes and need your forgiveness, you see my humility. I pray that when you see me, you really just see Jesus. He is the best thing I will ever give you. 

Darling daughters, I wait in great hope for you to come home. You are loved by so many already. 

Love, 

Natalie Akka